I’ve Got the Moves Like Jagger: Take me away, Make it okay, I swear I’ll behave—An Idiot’s Guide

Translate Page

I’ve finally learned a few simple tricks that make General Conference almost bearable …

I’ve learned to

1) Listen to music with my good ear and the plenary with my bad ear, mostly Christian music which has taken me to a much happier place … (“La. La. La. La. La. I can’t hear you.”) But my favorite moment came this evening when one of my daughter Katherine’s songs suddenly came on my iPhone – “I’ve got the moves like Jagger.” Here’s my recommendation: try playing this in both ears during a stressful or boring moment in the plenary. The plenary session and all its participants are transformed, especially the Bishops. “I’ve got the moves like Jagger. I’ve got the moves like Jagger, I’ve got the moo- ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo-ooo- ooo ooo ooves like Jagger … ..take me away, make it okay,I swear I’ll behave.”

Yes, friends, it is at least possible, that if you take me away and make it okay, I might actually behave!

2) Go so far into despair that I stumble upon a happier place somewhere on the other side. I think it is called resignation. Lowered expectations have been a real mood lifter. I recommend them to you.

3) Watch the live twitter feed so that I will a) be sufficiently distracted from the business at hand so that I’m not quite so bothered by it , b) have a place to turn to when the vote is called for a quick reminder of what we are voting on, c) discover there are many people out there even angrier than I am. Wow! (It is more than a little disturbing that I’m cheered by masses of angry tweeters.) Twitter does offer a strange kind of digital detachment from the moment.

4) Go out with friends to eat at decent restaurants. My brother John and I have been eating pb and J sandwiches out of our hotel room for the last 10 days; dear God in heaven, enough already! The restaurants are helping … They would probably be helping even more if I were not a Methodist tea-totaller.

5) Skip out of worship and write a post in the hotel lobby … and then go to bed early! Good night friends. I might just survive these last two days.

Beka


Like what you're reading? Support the ministry of UM News! Your support ensures the latest denominational news, dynamic stories and informative articles will continue to connect our global community. Make a tax-deductible donation at ResourceUMC.org/GiveUMCom.

Sign up for our newsletter!

UMNEWS-SUBSCRIPTION
Violence
The Rev. Dr. Michael L. Bowie Jr. Photo courtesy of the author.

It's time to remove the grave clothes

The slayings of two Black clergywomen show the need for the church to loosen its bonds in order to respond, just as Jesus ordered Lazarus unbound after raising him from the dead.
Violence
The Rev. Sean C. Turner. Photo courtesy of the Western North Carolina Annual Conference.

Don’t just stand there. Do something!

We wring our hands at the awfulness of shooting tragedies. We wait for politicians to lead meaningful change. But what does Christ call us to do?
Violence
Nordic-Baltic Episcopal Area Bishop Christian Alsted, newly assigned bishop to the Ukraine and Moldova Provisional Annual Conference. Photo courtesy of the Council of Bishops.

A country at war

The newly assigned bishop of the Ukraine and Moldova Provisional Annual Conference traveled to the war-torn country to visit with local church leaders.